Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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