I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
