you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
