I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
