4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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