does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
