He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
