It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
