so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
