Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
