Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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