I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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