Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
