im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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