so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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