We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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