People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My day in three words: secret purse cake
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
