Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
