Dignity is for republicans.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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