I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
