All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
