When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
