I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
