i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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