While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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