I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
