Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
