I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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