U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just pee around me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
