fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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