first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
