I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It's rum buckets o'clock
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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