i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
