i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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