I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
