Im at strip club and am horny
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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