and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
