the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
