I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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