So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
