Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
