Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
