Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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