you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
