As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
