Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
