We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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