is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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