You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
