his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
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