you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
