Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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