Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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