I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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