haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
