I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
there's paper in my vomit.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
