Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
