Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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