i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize