I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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