So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
